Are you stuck for a reference?

Do you have a supervisor who is giving you a hard time? Some bosses would do nothing to help you into another job, or worse, are just plain vindictive and destroy any chance of advancement by actively working against you. Others are so involved with their own priorities they know little about you and the work you do. Would you trust your boss to give you a decent reference?

Put yourself in their shoes. They have deadlines to meet. Yes, I know, we’ve all been there, but if they stuff up they might lose their bonus. They might not be able to get that new Beemer they’ve had their eye on recently.

So you ask for a reference. What goes through their mind? Do they think, “How can I help out with their next career step,” or is it something more selfish, “This is not a good time; if I lose them now who’ll fill their place?” But irrespective of what they are thinking they’ll say, “I’d be glad to give you a reference,” but plan to provide a more mundane comment when the employer contacts them: “Yes, their work has been mostly adequate...”

Then when that all important phone call comes through the chances are that all you’ll get in support might be something along the lines: “Yes, attendance has been satisfactory, except when...” “Yes, interaction with other staff is good, though sometimes tea breaks seem to be a bit long on occasions.” Any of these comments will guarantee your name is crossed off the list.

Not all bosses are like this, and quite a few will go out of their way to help. Genuinely. But if you are stuck, don’t worry. You don’t need them.

If you are worried, ask your wife, husband, partner, work colleagues, or old school friends to help you out. It might also be a test of the strength of your friendship. Anyway, you’d be able to help them out should they need a similar favour.

Your prospective employer knows about you because you have applied for the job and you provided certain information. The advantage you have is that they don’t know your friends and relatives. You just have to make sure the information your referees provide supports and agrees with what was stated in your application and what you say at the interview. Ideally, you will have been talking to your intended referees beforehand so that everyone’s statements will match.

Let’s say it’s your cousin that you ask to be one of your referees. Here’s what to do. You and your cousin need get together to discuss your experience so that everything each of you say will match. You need to decide at what point in time the two of you could have been in a working relationship. Think about the things you have done in your last job. Think of a project you might have done. If there was more than one project, so much the better. It may well be that you managed your work or projects entirely by yourself, but for this exercise it will be your cousin who was your supervisor and you reported directly to them. No one else knows that the two of you know each other privately.

Get together and work out how this fictitious relationship might have been. Perhaps they were hired for a special one off project by the company and you were assigned to be their assistant. Brief them in as much detail as possible to enable them to provide information on the project and what your part was. Provide them with notes on your experiences and abilities that they have to speak of. Have a trial so that your cousin can gain confidence. Of course, it would be as well that the cousin was familiar with the type of work you were involved with. This plan will fall on its face if your cousin is inexperienced in any essential aspect of the advice they are supposed to be passing on. So, take that into consideration when you are planning what is to be said.

Your cousin should keep the story straight about your skills and the outcomes of the work. It’s only a small lie. Your cousin shouldn’t build you up into something greater than your abilities. Their task is to promote you as a skilled worker that the prospective employer would be pleased to have. They should talk about you in a positive light, and importantly, with enthusiasm. You have already told of your skills during the interview. So, they are not expected to add to that, but what they say should support your claims. All you want your cousin to do is to tell your story like it really is and not adversely biased by a supervisor or boss who would put you down or make things hard for you. However, you cousin has to do it with passion. They have to say that you were a delight to work with... sorely missed your talents when I left the project... would love to work with them again... etc.

So when the employer telephones Acme Bookbinding for the reference (or wherever it is that your cousin works), your cousin will answer the phone like they normally do, because you will have provided your cousin’s real name and real place of employment to your prospective employer. All your cousin has to do is boast of your credentials; which will be true because you don’t want this job under false pretences. All you want is a helping hand. And the excuse for them being at Acme Bookbinding is that they left la-de-dah (where you currently work) a while ago. They are unlikely to check any of these details, unless you are applying for a job in some highly sensitive area. It’s you they are checking up on; not your referees.

If you use a close relative for this, make sure you all have different telephone numbers and/or email addresses. It could be embarrassing if your reference (husband or wife) has the same or similar contact information as yourself. Of course with mobile phones that’s not a problem. Anyway, you’d be giving work numbers and work addresses, and why would they want to find out where your referees live. That would be delving into someone’s private life more than they should.

The trouble with using someone so close to your personal life is that they will never be able to meet up with any of your bosses. Anyway, that might be a good thing.